Tara's+Blog+about+Sex+Education

At 28 years old, I still find myself learning new things every day, and sex education is no exception. I’m pretty sure Natasha said that "sex education should be a continuous discussion, and not just something that is mentioned once and then never brought up again." Although as Americans we tend to be extremely uncomfortable talking about sex, it is a necessary “evil” to endure in order to save lives. What I learned about sex began in the fifth grade, when I was separated from all of the boys in my class and made to watch a video. We learned about puberty and menstruation, and that was all. About a year later, I started having my period, and my stepdad was the only one home the day that it happened. I remember him being extremely uncomfortable, and saying something like “Make sure you keep yourself extra clean now because you don’t want to let yourself get all dirty down there.” It’s amazing after all these years how much his words impacted me, and I still struggle with associating my menstrual cycle with feeling unclean or dirty. When parents don't know what to say to their kids about sex and/or puberty, the discussion can be awkward or even harmful to their child's body image.

Fast forward through junior high to my junior year of high school, when I really learned all about sex. I never received any sex education at school besides the video we watched in fifth grade (that didn’t mention sex at all). I can’t remember exactly who steered me toward Planned Parenthood, but I do remember going in to the tiny office we had in Mount Shasta when I was 16. There was a wealth of knowledge there, from pamphlets and books to the doctor’s advice. I actually went in when I was still a virgin and asked about contraceptive choices, and decided to take birth control pills and use condoms. Planned Parenthood didn’t make me tell my mom anything, and at the time I was already moved out of her home. However, I did let her know when I was ready to have sex, and called to tell her my decision. We laugh now about how responsible I was, and how she felt like I was already way more prepared without her ever having to say anything. Even though she wasn’t the one to teach me about sex, I did learn a lot from her example. My mom had my older brother two weeks after she turned 18, and had to drop out of her first year of college as a result. She had me at 20, and I always knew on some level that I didn’t want to follow her same path. I know from countless friends and acquaintances that not everyone made it to Planned Parenthood to receive the sex education they were lacking in school. In fact, when I look back and all of the women I know that have had children completely unexpectedly, it makes me wonder how wide-spread our nation's lack of sex education really is. This truly is a subject that should be broached way more than once in a person's life, and in my case, knowing where to go for information made all the difference in the world.

My sex education continued on once I became sexually active, and my partner and I were each others first. It was fun and nerve-wracking all at once to learn about things we had only seen in movies (mostly in an unrealistic way, I might add). We were both adamant about not getting pregnant, and because we were open and honest about contraceptives, it felt comfortable to use them. As I mentioned during my speech in class, there were a handful of girls in my graduating class that didn’t finish high school once they became pregnant. To this day, I am grateful that I made it through both high school and college without becoming pregnant before I was ready. Now that I’m in my late 20’s, I feel more informed about sex than ever before. However, I can still acknowledge that I don’t know it all. I’m very open to the idea that sex education is a continuum, and I am only standing still for a brief moment in time. I didn’t stay with the same sexual partner from high school, and as I entered the military I became aware of the dangers of STDs and rape. There were many friends and co-workers of mine that had very scary experiences with sexualized violence, both men and women. I can't help but wonder how much victims of sexualized violence could have benefited from education focused on boundaries and consent. Not to say that sexualized violence is the victim's fault for not being informed, but sometimes people don't realize they are allowed to say "no." In my own experiences, it took a long time to understand that I had the power to walk away if I didn't want to have sex with someone. I'm so grateful that I never experienced sexualized violence, but I have had a few close calls that could have gone terribly wrong. I see proper sex education as all-inclusive, and perhaps as a preventative measure against STDs, sexual violence, unwanted pregnancy, and as empowering.

Being able to talk openly about my experiences in class, with friends, and even with my younger siblings has been mutually beneficial. I’m glad that we chose this sensitive topic to delve deeper into, and it seems like there are still a lot of us who have questions about sex. I believe that sex education should be included in school because so many parents don’t talk to their kids about anything. And again, although it is often uncomfortable, a healthy dialogue on sex can benefit everyone.


 * Page created by Tara Smith**